I’ve always wanted to feel more than I sometimes naturally do in certain settings, like by feeling more the situation will be heightened enough to become memorable. Which I’m realizing is total crap.

Some people I care about are losing their jobs today, and I’m sitting here near the end of a day that feels more like November than August listening to Elliott Smith. Baby’s kicking, E. Smith sings, “I’m never going to know you now but I’m going to love you anyhow.”

You don’t realize how much time you spend with co-workers, how big a part of your life they are, until they leave town or something. And then there’s this huge space that’s not actual intimacy lost, but commonality. Shared Mondays, bus rides, pet and kid updates, the sort of things people say around the office that they don’t say other places. Like, “That job is a total clusterfuck.” Nobody else says clusterfuck. And that’s over-sad.

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